everyone, meet Dotty. Dotty, meet everyone.

Dotty made her presence known about two weeks ago when she chewed through the foam blocking off the exposed part of the window that wasn’t being taken up by my air conditioner. is was four inches of solid foam. like the shit you see on the walls of recording studios.

i arrived home to find her on my duvet, chewing it to hell. afraid that i would scare her anywhere else other than the way she came in, i was at first cautious. she eventually left, but didn’t scurry away. instead, she went to the adjacent window and watched in disgust and hatred as i cleaned up the mess she made and patched up the gap in the window with a piece of plexiglas.

in all honesty, i felt bad about the whole thing. she was just curious, she didn’t doodie on anything, she didn’t freak out and scratch up my dvds; overall, it was an adventure for her. so, before i sealed up the gap, i left a good few handfuls of cheerios on the window sill, of which, she enjoyed.

a few days passed, and life seemed to return to normal. each afternoon, i would return home to dotty, on my window sill and simply doing the things squirrels do. it was a perfectly harmless relationship. then one day…

ATTACK!

Dotty lunged at me. she began crawling all over my window screen, jumping and slashing her little tiny claws at anything she could possibly hit. what did i do? where did i go wrong? i gave her food and this is how she repays me?

this all gave me pause. now, i know the animals were here first, and they actually work to stay alive whereas for humans it’s a complete luxury that’s simply an added benefit of having ample trigger-fingers. but maybe dotty has a point – animals and human should switch places for a year. just pull a freaky friday and make them pay the bills for a change. the roadways would become useless, the stock market would be the cuddliest place on earth, and the careboys would debut to ratings of an unfathomable degree.

until that day arrives, please to enjoy…