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fellow bikers, here is a short list of traffic laws you must abide by.

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probably because of gay marriage and abortions, god has decided to melt the midwest. yesterday was a record high. a time/temp marquee blinked 98° which is impressive given it was pure humidity.

i find all of this rather odd given that saturday morning gave us one hell of a thunderstorm, ruining some picnic plans i had with friends i haven’t seen in far too long. sadly, the picnic was pushed inside. but happily, that meant we could start drinking far earlier than would be socially acceptable.

as all parties do, ours ended up on youtube. please to enjoy.

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i don’t know who is endowing me to take two workshops at this years TCIF, but i will have to thank them somehow. i am open to ideas that don’t involve sexual favors and/or assassinations.*

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prince of persia is going to be released this friday. if it’s a success, here is my prediction of the first few big-budget video game to movie adaptations you will see:

1. mass effect
2. uncharted
3. gears of war
4. world of warcraft
5. assassins creed

however this is what i would rather the be:

1. nothing
2. nothing
3. nothing
4. nothing
5. nothing

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i still need a job

*i am secretly open to this option.

1. i don’t hate all cars – while i’ll proudly join the millions in saying i disagree with how many people drive, i certainly don’t hate cars simply for being automobiles
2. i don’t consider bikers as being above cars – nor do i consider them below cars. we’re sharing the road. learn and love. [hugs]
3. i follow traffic laws – and so should you.

the main beef that i see drivers having with bikers is their wanton regard to traffic laws, other drivers, and life in general. jon hodgman, on a recent episode of you look nice today, said that the attitude of bikers towards everyone is “they hate you.” this is a falsity. much like the case of driver to driver, it is a biker to biker matter; yes, there are dick-bikers. there are also dick-drivers, dick-baristas, dick-servers, dick-cops, dick-ranch hands, and dick-dicks. so, judge all bikers by one sample from the bunch, and you’re a raging bigot. get out of my house.

the fact of the matter is that bikers (competent bikers) are usually doing what’s best for traffic. and on this note, let me make something inescapably clear: you can usually rely on a shotgun judgment to tell if someone is a competent biker or not

pop quiz, hot shot!
who is the competent biker?

if you answered the men on the right, you are correct… probably. the fact is that old guy bikers who look homeless are usually only biking because they got their license revoked for drinking and driving (kind of a good indicator that they shouldn’t be behind any sort of wheel, let alone one that puts no buffer between them and sweet lady pavement). these are the fellas you see careening into traffic down a one way street. in my opinion, these people should not be allowed to bike. more to come on that.

however! do not always rely on your instincts. there will be plenty of bikers who look geared up and serious about cycling that haven’t a fucking clue as to how to effectively bike with traffic. they signal at the last second if at all, are pissed towards every car isn’t bowing to their from-the-hip whims, and demand the respect they think they deserve simply for “saving the planet.” these d-bags may be referred to as Granolas (a borrowed term from camping; those jerks that haul their RV into the woods, spend thoudands on hiking gear for a day trip, or just simply don’t get it). these people, as well, should not be allowed to bike. again, more to come.

so, how do you drive around a competent biker? well, here’s a secret: treat them like a car. i won’t get into specifics, but just treat them exactly like a car. on the other side of things, bikers should be riding like a car; signaling, allowing the right of way to whomever it belongs to, using turning lanes appropriately, etc. etc. etc. “riding like a car? well, if they were to truly ride like a car, then they should have a drivers license.”

i couldn’t agree more.

the fact that there is a way for any bobby bike-messenger to get aboard a moving vehicle and enter traffic, endagering not only their own life but the lives of others is inexcusable. but, i doubt that in my lifetime (or ever, for that matter) we’ll see a biking license be put into effect. so, for the time being, let’s do the best we can.

——-

did i leave something out? well, don’t fret. that was the first in what will become a series of posts. i originally everything into one document, but there’s far too much on this subject to deliver in one sitting. so, stay tuned for the next post, coming… i don’t know… whenever.

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i was scolded by wikipedia. i did have photographic evidence of this. however, the comp i’m on crashed and had to be rebooted before i could get it up. so you’ll just have to believe me.

Mark Rein, part of the upper crust over at Epic Games, has a history of being a serious d-bag towards pretty much everything. watching this behavior for sometime, i have periodically updated his wikipedia page to state as such. but then, today, the game came to an end.

i was sent a message (my active IP address) stating that it was “hardly mature” what i had typed and that i should “consider the foundation that wikipedia was built upon.”

this changes nothing. mark rein is still a serious d-bag.

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i was was doored today (lightly, but still doored), and told to get on the sidewalk. it’s illegal to bike on the sidewalk. i really don’t know where these people come from.

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tim, damian and i will be giving a podcast the ole’ college try tomorrow night. perhaps i’ll host it from the new site… whenever that happens.

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tired… so very tired.

dear denny hecker,

next time i see you, you’re a dead man.

i mean it,
troy

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i’ve decided to go null on the clips for my bike. yes, it’d be great for control, and i’d look super-rad, but the cost is something i really can’t get past. $60 for the petals (and i’d think $30 for labor), then $85 for the shoes… that’s nearing $200 for something i may not be using that much longer.

maybe an unexpectedly plump paycheck will come from comedy sportz, or maybe i’ll just deny it forever. time shall tell.

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twitter. hell yes.

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back on the bike talk, i dropped $150 dollars yesterday on a new front tire (and lock). the tire was a complete package: rim, strip, tread, and tube. $150. jesus christ didn’t make that much money is his entire life. and if he did, he would’ve given it away, and not spent it on a tire.

the reason for the cash bomb was that my front tire had given me four flats in a month. four flats. are you fucking kidding me? that’s unforgivable. after the first i couldn’t find any reason for it (no puncture no pebble caught in the tread), so i figured was a fluke. the second made me inspect the whole tire up and down for about two hours with still no result. the third caused me to seek professional help from the good folks at re-cycle on hennepin, and we thought we had taken care of it. the fourth time? bring down the guillotine.

i usually give a healthy amount of anthropomorphism to things i’ve had for a while, but i was nothing but happy to see that thing go. good riddance you piece of shit.

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it is surprisingly easy to get in contact with andrew bird.

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fall is drawing delightfully close. i have to get my awesome hobo gloves out of storage. and winter should make interesting commute once i get clips (clip-shoes aren’t exactly warm).

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tonight, much to my delight, tyler samples and fred beukema will join me in performing science! at the monday night comedy show. it’s an improvised structure in which three mad scientists visit a weekly support group to spitball ideas.

each of us seem to be interested in a particular field of study; tyler has always taken to astrophysics, while fred is a structural engineer by profession and can expound upon pretty much any topic you give him. i, recently, have been fascinated up to my ears with geology and natural history. we three kings have had a conversation or two that seemed quite scholarly in an H.G. Wells sort of way, but would probably put most to bed in a short amount of time.

i’ve been reading about the KT boundary today, and am nerding out a little too early; i should be saving some stuff for the show.

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the fringe festival has ended. as my budget allowed, i planned on seeing 3 shows: mortem capiendum, an intimiate evening with mike fotis 2, and reincarnation: another chance at failure. i ended up seeing twice that amount. way to budget, troy. though i did thoroughly enjoy the additional 3: musical the musical, shift, and the cody rivers show.

the cody rivers show? one of the most inspiring performances i’ve ever seen.

http://www.codyrivers.com/

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water is so fucking crisp and refreshing. i love it.

google reader – fucking incredible

i’ve never really seen myself as a pioneer of technology, so it comes as no surprise that it’s taken me this long to figure out that i don’t need to surf the internet anymore. i can just bring what i want to me. i spent about 2 hours of work time organizing things and ended up saying “up yours” to long, complicated urls. troy flies solo from here on out.

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i’ve been riding fixed gear for over a year now. the extra control i get by ditching the free wheel is great, albeit a bit of a learning curve. and, i’m thinking of once again steepening the now flat curve by switching to clips. until this time i’ve been wearing whatever shoes i wanted and my feet slid into power grips to keep them flush with the pedals. but clips are a horse of a different color…

located on the bottom of a specialized shoe, a bracket will hold your foot against the pedal, and not let it go unless you rotate your whole foot counterclockwise. no matter how hard you push or pull, your foot isn’t coming loose. most fixed riders fly with clips, because it apparently offers you even more control. so i figured it was time to take that leap.

it’s going to cost upwards of $200 which includes pedals and shoes. i’ll keep all of you up to date as things unfold.

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i just ate my first straight-up Hershey’s bar in quite some time. i have no clue how they became popular.

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dan hetzle is leaving town for (probably) good. he’s a local improv titan from such groups as five man job, fingergun, bobby and bobby, old man and kentucky bastard, and solomon kane. as such, he’s been doing some farewell performances over the past two months at Improv A GoGo, and i couldn’t be happier. but! in the duos he performs and has said farewell in (bobby and bobby, old man and kentucky bastard), both characters have wound up dead. this sunday, he’ll be sending himself off with solomon kane. will he and nels bite the proverbial bullet? tune in this sunday.