i own too much shit.

item!
there’s a point during a move where i, and perhaps others (though, no ones related with me on this yet), begin to second guess pretty much everything i’m doing with my life: “why am i moving? i was fine here. what am i doing this for?” it seems like a lot of worry and work to fix something that wasn’t entirely broken. i should add that there isn’t something that specifically sprouts this thought, it’s more just an independent wave that rushes over you about halfway through the move (in my case). it might be simply from exhaustion of physical labor or continually disappointing yourself with the amount of useless shit you’ve acquired and the proper disposal/relinquishment of said shit, but for me it’s a matter of comfort and security.

i enjoy having a place to come home to. a corner to throw my bag, a bed to toss my hoodie on, a chair to read in. it never rejects you and will always drop everything it’s doing simply to answer your beck and call. you invest time in it, you decorate it, you make memories in it. it’s yours. for a time…

perhaps the frustration of moving is the abandonment of that space. a friend of mine, John Burgess, has always talked and trumpeted about how his memory is affected by space and vice versa (or whatever). he’ll enter an old apartment or old room, and immediately be juiced with the feeling and memory of the time he was there. he can also think of a time and most of what comes back to him is the space that time took place in. most people associate smell with memory, though i personally fall back on music, but i think we all share in John’s instance that a certain room or building or road or what have you can crank up the nostalgia something fierce. we don’t want to leave that space. it’s safe there. “up yours, change. i’ve been here before, and everything worked out just dandy.”

it’s a threshold that we must cross when shifting our lives any measure of distance. if we didn’t, we’d stall out and become old cat ladies. or worse, it would start to affect us in ways that we can’t perceive. your persona and character is just a hodgepodge of what we surround ourselves with, if you will. not material possessions, but the WHAT of our lives. if you dislike the space you choose to root your life in, then it’s going to affect you.

fortunately, we all have the choice to change that space whenever we want. it’s just getting over that hump of the decision you made months ago that seems like such a mistake right now.

item!
the amount of hope coursing through this country’s veins right now is very inspiring. maybe that’s all we needed.

item!
i am stalking chuck.

attention: i’m going to speak for a spell on getting in over one’s head on purpose. on second thought, not specifically on purpose, due that this isn’t murder in the first, or something preemptive or plotted out to the finest degree. this is making a decision for (what some would call) the worse, and knowing full and well the consequences of your actions but following through anyway. smoking, even though it’s killing you.

i won’t say why i’m speaking about this. any novice detective could deduce the general idea of why i’m writing about that, sans specifics. but, past that, i’ll not discuss a peep. it’s nothing horrible, nothing i’d lament telling anyone, but it is my personal business, and that’s where it will stay: under cognitive lock and key. if you’re dying to know, ask and ye shall receive. Read more »

i trekked to souix falls this weekend for my cousin brittany’s wedding to her beau, aj. happy couple, fun reception, good time all-around. but the real bonus was that it was on my dad’s side of the family. along with being a formidably sized group, we’re intimidatingly spread out. add in the factors of people have families, schedules, so on so forth, and it can amount to quite a task to bring all of us together.

we didn’t pull it off in this case, but some of the more hard-to-reach relatives showed up. namely my cousin gary. plus it was nice to see gary’s and deb’s kids: gary, gabbie, jared. sadly, cheryl and donny were absent. but, two of their three kids are overseas (military tours), and the third is too cute for existence. they’re a fun little group, but they’re also a perfect illustration on how big my family is: cheryl, my cousin, is a few years younger than my dad. her kids are a few years younger than my sis and i. Read more »

in an attempt to get some content on this site, i’ve been writing about whatever is in my head. often several times throughout the day. the interface of the current template i’m using, provided by this fella, is very much me, however there are a few blanks to be filled in. namely the on the navigation side of things. having only three posts now doesn’t do much in the way of archiving. this blog is only two days old. and with much of the options offered by the author, i feel more entries can only help. not for me, mind you. my thoughts will always be here, but for technology’s sake; merely to have something complete to hold in my digital hands. Read more »